[ A B S E N C E - M A K E S - T H E - H E A R T - G R O W - F O N D E R ]
Cry, cry, cry.
(If you cannot cry, or do not want to - that's okay too, you're one step ahead than the rest of us).
I don't know whether anyone will want to read about who I miss, sometimes it can be hard to read stories about this topic, and I understand why. Although if anyone has a story of their own that they would like to share or a tip to staying happy and positive, I would love to read them as I feel it can be comforting when you know you are not the only person feeling alone and getting advice from other people can really help.
Although being apart from someone you love or someone you cherish can feel as though you are missing a part of yourself. You should be thankful you have had someone that means so much in your life that is worth feeling this way over.
I just want to say, I am not a therapist nor do I have any professional advice to offer you but what I can do which may bring someone out there comfort, is give my personal experience and share my views and ideas on how to deal with the heartache caused by missing someone or something.
- Missing someone who is just down the road or a drive away -
If the person that you miss is a friend you don't see as much as you used to, or someone that you've just spent four hours with, that's okay, sometimes I feel like this too. When you build a friendship or relationship with someone that you just connect with so well, they seem like the missing piece of your puzzle or they simply just make you feel happy whenever you are around them, firstly feel grateful and secondly think to yourself, why? When you first meet someone that you instantaneously click with, it's easy to become attached and give them all of your time and dedicate all of your thoughts to. You do everything together and create awesome memories to be cherished for a lifetime and they become the most important person in your life. Then all of a sudden you drift apart and things start to change, you either see each other less or realise that you don't have as much in common as you initially thought and it can get you down and you don't do as much as you did with them.
This is when you need to think about what you did together, the things that you learnt from each other, look through any pictures you took whilst you hung out and smile. I always find that printing out pictures or keeping any tickets from places you visited is a good way to hang onto memories. I've made scrapbooks in the past and got really creative with it. I feel like this is a great way to always remember what you've done and helps you to cherish everything you did together (I'm just a super sentimental person) in a way that you can revisit any time you like. Sometimes people enter your life, make their mark and move on. Accept this and admire it. You can learn a lot from different types of people, and this amazes me.
My tip: When you meet people take as many pictures as you can, of them (if they don't mind) or the places you visit. If you are missing someone you used to know then when you've got some spare time, write down the things you did (what you can remember) and also write down why it meant so much.
- Missing someone who is a plane ride (or two) away -
Now, this is something that gets me down on a daily basis. As you may or may not know I grew up in England, I lived there for the first sixteen (just short of seventeen) years of my life and I loved it there. Then I moved to Perth, Australia with my mum, her husband and two of my siblings and have been here for the last two and a half years. Although is place is amazing and oh so picturesque, I can't help but feel so empty having left behind my dad, granddad, best friends, cat and many other people I hold dear to me. When it comes to special occasions, being their birthday's, my birthday or Christmas and new year, I feel so out of place and rather lonely.
BUTTT.... this doesn't stop me putting a smile on my face when these times come around I celebrate with the people that I have around me and have so much fun with them. (I feel like I owe a majority of my happiness to my amazing boyfriend who I am so lucky to have met at this point in my life). If like me when I first moved here, you struggle to let anyone get close to you or you don't know how to meet people. I will just say this; If you meet someone who comes across genuine and friendly, give them a chance. what have you really got to lose? One of my fave things to do is go for coffee (or tea if you'd rather) and sit and have a chat or do something a bit more out there like bowling or how about watching a movie and bonding over your shared interest in genre or actor/actress? As you might have read in my first blog, watching movies is how I became best friends with my best friend (obviously).
Once you've met people you find that your time starts going faster and you become involved in more which stops you feeling so alone. However sometimes the feeling of emptiness never really leaves you when you're so far away. Which is, I think, absolutely normal! It just means you have people so special in your heart that are worthy of your time or tears (I've cried a lot because I miss people, sometimes that's just the way I deal with things - SO WHAT?) and that counts as you being an extremely lucky individual. Sometimes it will feel easier to be far away compared to other times, it just depends who you are now surrounded by and what takes up your time there.
My tip: Try to say yes to as many things as you can (stay safe and sensible please!) to keep you busy, but also stay in contact with the people you are so far away from. (Thanks to today's advanced technology, this is a whole lot easier).
- Missing someone who is no longer with us -
First off, I am so sorry, and I hope you're doing alright, keep your head up high and remember the times you had together. Remember it is normal to be upset, and everyone takes different amounts of time to feel okay.
I know this feeling never goes away, sometimes it doesn't get any easier either, but the main thing to do is appreciate the memories created. Whoever has been taken from you, and those that you miss, I'm sure you miss them and feel so empty because they had such a positive impact on your life and they have touched your heart in a way that no one else you will ever know can. This to me, is the most beautiful thing that anyone can do. They would have given you a reason to miss them and throughout their life, I can only imagine the kind of impact you would of had on them too.
A few years ago, I lost one of the most amazing men that have ever been a part of my life, my great granddad. (I can feel myself going into a state of sadness but I'm smiling because I can only picture the amazing memories he has given me). I was extremely close with him, to the point that my child will have his name (Ernest) as their middle name so that he can continue in my children's life along with the stories I can share with them. I used to visit him a couple times a week and we used to bake cheese straws with way too much spice (to me, they are the perfect cheese straw) and spend hours watching black and white films. Even though I was young when he passed (around nine years old) I remember him so clearly and am so grateful I had the chance to meet him. For the early years after he passed I cried a lot, and eventually as I grew up, I came to realise that unfortunately this is part of life and I should appreciate what I remember.
The memories that I carry with me every day, comfort me and make me thankful for the experiences and people that I come across throughout my life. I hope that one day, you will feel okay and instead of crying because you miss them, you will smile because you knew them.
My tip: Cry, and feel angry at first, shout if you need to, scream that it is unfair. When you are done (no matter how long that may take) or when you begin to cry less often, write down the memories or mentally go over them, pick out a few that make you the happiest or made you the happiest and think about them often. Look for pictures you had together or anything you have that reminds you of them, and appreciate that you have something worth so much.
Never forget that is is okay to miss someone, or lots of people. Whether they are a friend, family member, a pet or even a stranger who made you feel good. They were a part of your life for a reason, and for that, say thank you.
Tell the people that you are surrounded by that you love them and remind them that they are loved back.
Everything will be okay, stay happy.
Love, Abby x